Letter
Dear Joe,
Just call me Lavender, 25 years old, single and working in Makati. I’m a very emotional person, yet very sweet and caring to my family and friends. I don’t have a boyfriend now, coz my 12 year relationship with Carlo just ended.
I met Carlo when I was a freshman in high school. We got along very well, became the best of friends, end eventually became us. It was a beautiful relationship Joe, Four years later, he dumped me, telling me he was guilty because he did not bring any good to our relationship. At first I couldn’t contain myself to believe that it was just like that, but I agreed. Three days later, I found out that he was courting my classmate. And that explained everything.
We both went to college. I moved on bearing the pain inside me and still loving the guy who ruthlessly dumped me. Joe, Carlo appeared in my life one day and told me he wanted me back. My friends warned me not to get along with him again but I didn’t listen. Since I still loved Carlo, I accepted him again.
Our love became stronger, true to the saying that love is sweeter the second time around. We proved to our friends that they were wrong. Even his stay in the US for a year didn’t make us part ways. We had family issues because his mom did not like me but that didn’t stop Carlo from loving me.
Joe, that was what I thought. Just this year he told me that he wanted to break up with me again because he suspects that I am seeing someone else from work. He accused me of having changed and not caring about him anymore. How could that happen? I tried to hang on but I felt that I couldn’t convince him anymore. We were together for almost 12 years of our lives and then we will be ending it just like that? With so much pain in my heart, I agreed. The end of our relationship was totally unjustified.
A week after, I found out that he was seeing somebody else. Joe, I was broken for the second time. I’ve been loving and trusting this person with my whole life, loving every piece of him, and accepting his flaws and shortcomings. But our 12 years was dumped just like that. I was even accused of things that I didn’t do. I should have listened to my friends. I am blaming myself now.
I’m trying to recover from this trauma of love but I find it difficult to trust anyone because of the fear of rejection. When I accidentally saw Carlo again, I felt no love for him anymore. I had so much anger in my heart that I wanted to curse him for leaving me without a valid explanation. I just pray that I may be able to forgive him. Joe, no matter how I try, all I feel is pain and anger. I was good to him and gave him all the love that I have. I don’t deserve this kind of punishment
Joe, how am I supposed to move on now? It has been 12 years. If only I knew….. I wish I found out earlier. I feel that I wasted the 12 best years of my life. Please tell me what to do. I don’t want to fall in love again.
Sincerely yours,
Lavender
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Joe's Advice
Dear Lavender,
I really don’t think you wasted 12 years of your life because you spent it with someone you truly loved. I believe that no matter how ugly your relationship turned out to be in the end, there was still a time when it was beautiful, a time when it made you really happy. In your situation, that should be better measure to use and not the bitterness that you are now feeling inside.
You have allowed anger and hatred to rule your heart. These emotions are toxins that will just make your life miserable. Lavender, one of the greatest acts of love is the act of forgiveness. It is also one of the most difficult things to do. Keeping ill feelings towards another person is like lighting a fire that eventually grows and consumes us.
Our life should be led by love and compassion and not by the desire to seek vengeance for other people’s wrongdoings. Carlo made you curse him but there was once a time when he made you very happy. Do no look back at the things make you feel bad but rather at the things that show just how blessed you are.
Lavender, the first step to a new beginning is forgiveness. Cry for a while and then forget about how bad you felt. Accept that you didn’t have forever but you had 12 wonderful years of love. Grieve for a while but do not regret that you loved him because it was one of the most beautiful things that happened to your life. Abandon the negative emotions that you are feeling right now and move on with a new life. Remember that love never gives a guarantee of permanence, but it always gives hope. Love doesn’t promise forever, but it gives us faith to believe that there is. Love makes us cry, but the tears that it brings can breathe a new life, a new beginning, and a new hope to those who believe and those who find the courage to move on and love again.
Light of my day
Echoes of the heart
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Comments
lavander,
don't close your door to possibilities. you did not waste the 12 years of your life, you just need to passed that road of life so you'll become a better person, a tougher one and become a wiser one.
love really hurts, you will never known love until it hurts.
cry all the pain and sorrow you feel inside your heart, and let those agony goes along with your tears, to washed them out of your system.
open your eyes, and see how blessed you are.
in life, there is always hope.
god already planned everything ahead of us, don't let anger and hatred pull you down.
thank the lord for giving you another day to live life to the fullest.
smile always and see how beautiful life can be...