Dear Joe,

A pleasant day to you…I heard about your program and so I decided to write my story and I’m hoping that you can help me… this is how it goes..

I had been in a four year relationship that my parents don’t know anything about. When I was in first year high school I took the risk of breaking the rules in our house, I got into a relationship but in spite of that I was able to establish good grades. Not until I got into third year High school, we had a huge fight because of his best friend who simply acts as if she was his girlfriend. I never really get well along with her and so as result my boyfriend and I broke up. It took me a long time to recover.. or should I say I did not at all. But the good thing is we got back together

Joe, It was when we’re in college that we had bigger problems. During high school being together is not really a problem because we’re studying in the same school and basically we’re classmates.. As for college we’re studying in the same university but in different campuses. At first we thought we can overcome the distance thing ..Compromises were made and we did survive for some time. But we ended up being separated again.. He turned me down because he said he was somewhat contented being single, So I bid him goodbye and tried to move on with my life.
Joe , after that, I became so messed up…I tried entertaining other guys for a while but I guess I can never fool myself, I know I’m just wasting their time.. I know in my heart that I still love him very much. Six months later , we’re back together again. I thought everything was going just fine. We seldom see each other but we make the most out of our time together. I tried to be such a patient girlfriend. I never complained if he doesn’t call me or if we only meet twice a month as long as we keep in touch through text. I don’t even complain even if he doesn’t treat me the way I should be treated. I tried my best to understand that he’s very busy. I did my best to do the things that would satisfy him. I did everything!? But still my efforts weren’t enough.

He called me one Saturday and said that he’s giving up. He stopped answering my calls , he even turned off his cell. I asked him for the last time why he wants to give us up , he just said “I was falling out of love…” That really hurt me so much. Joe, I was crying the whole day… Questions started to flood my mind… I asked so may whys? Why does he have to fall out of love? Am I not really worth it? Where did I go wrong? What else do I have to do? Why can’t he love me the way others do? Why can’t he treat me as his girlfriend? Why does it have to end this way? Why can’t I just forget him? Why can’t I just hate him?

I was really devastated. I don’t usually drink but after that incident I learned how to drink more than what I can handle. Good thing my friends got me back on the right track. After that day I realized that he’s not worth the tears. I realized that its useless to trash my life because he doesn’t even care about it . He never shed a tear, he just goes on with his life. He copes up fast.. I convinced myself that we’re really through… we’ll never be together.. That I’m ok without him.. I can live without him.. That I wont be affected the next time we see each other…that I’m over him. I wont cry anymore for him.. I thought I was brave enough. But right now I’m scared. I’m afraid to discover in the end that I’m just fooling myself.. I don’t want to cry anymore.. I had forgotten how to do it and it scares me because what if I started to cry again and I never stop? I don’t want to be miserable again. I wanted to move on.. I wanted to forget… Some say acceptance is the first thing to do.. I guess in that case, I moved up another level.. I‘ve already accepted that he doesn’t love me anymore.. There’s no room hoping for a reconciliation for I know there wont be any, cause I don’t think there’s any love left for me left .

But Joe, the thing is I’m missing him right now.. I miss the old times, the things that we used to do before.. a friend of mine said that its ok as long as I have accepted things.. but I really miss him. The thought that he has somebody new right now makes me feel sick already.. I know I’m hanging on to the strength that my friends are giving me but I really don’t know until when can I be brave…

I don’t really know if I’m already moving on or I’m just escaping my problems? I dunno if I’m doin the right thing or I’m just rushing to things… but there’s one thing that I’m sure of.. I WANT TO HAVE A NORMAL PEACEFUL LIFE.. I wanted to get out from the shadows of my past.. I know I have accepted things but I don’t know how to let go.. I’m willing .. I just don’t know how… please help me….

Thank you very much for reading my letter.. I hope many people learned from it and thanks for everything.. More power..

Sincerely,

Damsel