Joe,

Just call me Angel, a third year college student here in manila. I have wanted to write you for a long time, just wanted to share my story and I hope you can give me some words of wisdom.

It has been 5 years now since I met Ron. I was a sophomore high school student then. At first, I never thought that one day we’ll be talking about life’s stuff, that soon we’ll be became friends and so on. A year had passed and we’re already in junior high, but still, we’re not yet closed. He had his circle of friends and I also have my own. That year ended up between us with just “hi” and “hello”. Plain and simple. When we turned out to be seniors, we still belong in a same block, having the same classmates, and companions. My other classmates and I spend our high school life together for that whole 4 years then. My last year was supposed to be the happiest year ever.

I don’t know exactly when it did happen, but I’m thankful that we had that wonderful chance to be friends. All I remember is that, we’d able to sit beside each other in class hours because of that so called “seating arrangement”. We became close and quite comfortable with each other. He’s always there for me to lend a helping hand. Every time I’m mad at him, he did everything just to make me forgive him. And I can’t resist him. He always made me smile. He’s responsible for completing my whole day. He’s the type of guy that you don’t actually thought you’ll fall in love with because of his so much naughtiness and immature like personality.

As time had passed, we’re doing great; we’d gained much deeper friendship. His sweet and kind gestures towards me made me confused whether it’s still pure friendship on our parts or I’m feeling something else. I started to notice something within, when our adviser tries to change the seating arrangement for the following period, we’re supposed to be seated a part, but the following day, I insisted for us to be seat-mate again, likewise, he also don’t like us to be far from one another, and then that’s it. We’re seated beside each other again.

But as our friendship went that much good, things for me become uneasy. Yes, I already have gained his trust that he even confessed what was his feelings towards the other girl, which happened to be our friend. At first, I actually didn’t notice that I’m falling for him, maybe because I’m too afraid, that’s why I just enjoyed hearing those happy stories of him with her. Of them together. But things went into something that I, myself never expected. He eventually fallen out of love with her, that’s what he told me, I don’t have any idea what was the true reason, he didn’t even want us to teased him to her anymore, every time we tried to he’ll be mad at us. But as far as I’m concern, I feel that it’s not totally gone, I know that there’s still something in him for her. For I know, she was his great love. I’m in denial every time I thought of what I feel for him. Maybe I’m too afraid to admit it. I don’t know.

I tried so hard to keep it for the sake of our friendship, not until vacation comes along. I don’t know what made me think to do such thing. Call me stupid for being true to my feelings, all I know is that I only want to see what was his reactions would be if he knew that his very own trusted best friend had feelings for him, and I had a second thought if I really do feel something special or am I just being carried away by his sweet gestures that for him, just means nothing. I don’t have any other intention, I just want to let him know, and I didn’t expect something in return because I know right from the start, there’s nothing to hope for.

I was able to let him know my feelings, but I was also able to asked for some space for me to realize everything I had said. I told him not to text me after receiving my text messages, that I will be the one to call him up if everything’s fine. And he just agreed without any reactions. I felt embarrassed. It seems as if my feeling is not important. Then I wondered if I did the right thing.

I never texted him for a month, nor did he. Not until our friend’s birthday. He invited me to come with him, and my mind was too occupied that I did not notice I already replied on his text message, that’s why he thought that finally I’m fine, that I was able to get over him. He said that he understand what I’m going through that’s why he let me have the space I asked for. I pretended to be fine even if I’m not just to make him believed. But one thing had made me felt guilt. For that whole month of trying so hard not to communicate him, I have no knowledge that he was already diagnosed with a developing stage one cancer of the bone. I just learned that from our friends. It seems as if my world had fallen apart, but I have to be strong, for him.

Everything went back to normal, but I must admit that it’s not the same as before. Months had passed again, but yet I know that I’m still in that very same position I’m trying to escaped. I’m still in love. But by this time, in silence. We never talked about my feelings. He did not dare to ask and I don’t bother to open up.

When we had a chance to talked, I open up everything I felt towards him, whether it’s positive or negative. For the second time, I’d able to open up again my feelings of still loving him in silence. My heartaches of being felt rejected and not given any importance. I was crying when we talked over the phone, while he was totally in silence, I can’t help but to cry because of much hurt I felt inside. Of all the pain he caused me. And the guilt I caused him. He told me that everything I said was right. That he’s too numbed to feel and noticed my feelings. But were just friends, nothing more, nothing less. He later then apologized.
Three days after my eighteenth birthday, I found out that he’s already committed, and to whom? Not surprisingly to know, to her. The one that he used to love when were still in high school. His great love. He told me how everything happened, that after two years of stopping courting her; she suddenly turned her back and blurted her feelings to him. My agony finally ends there. I’ll let our other friend keep his ring that I used to wear for two years because I really wanted to forget everything. I was still hurt, but I learned to accept defeat. I must say that knowing he’s already committed especially to my friend is the best way that made me realized to really move on with my life and mind nothing but myself. The essence of love is in letting go, sacrificing your own pleasure for the happiness of others. I know it’ll be easy for me to do so, because right from the start he didn’t give me anything to hope for. His sweet and kind gestures were purely friendship, and I’m just the only one who gives that a different view. And I thanked him for that, for making me not to hope for into something that he could not give and someone he could not be. He’s the very best friend a person could have. I’m happy and contented of being just his friend. At least “a Friend”.

Now, I can say that I had totally moved on. Thanks to him for making me realized everything. That even though at first I’ve had a hard time mending a broken heart, at least now, it’ll be easy for me to pick up the once shattered.

Thanks you so much.. More power and God Bless.