Dearest Joe,

      They say, God punishes us for our bad deeds. But I couldn't believe that God delights in our misery.
       I was never the kindest of people. Never acknowledged authority, never bit my tongue back. Then I did, when I met him and fell for him. For a year and five months, he was mine. Then, he  broke up with me. We tried again after I asked him to but we just drifted away. Maybe, we were'nt just meant to be.

During those years, we've become the best of friends. Every week in those six years, we'd see each other. He was there, not only for me but for my family as well. We kissed each other still, and always ended up in bed. I didn't feel secure yes, but I thought, whatever I could have then, I'd grab it, and treasure it 'cause I don't know how long he'll be mine.

      Then, he graduated from school and I was afraid that he'd find someone else when he gets a job. Last January he was accepted in a firm. I was happy for him. I didn’t put any malice when he started mentioning this girl's name. He's never lied to me before and once, I made him promise to tell me if he finds someone else.

      Then, for the first time since we've been together, he failed to see me for almost three months, and he rarely called. Then, he admitted, he was having a mutual understanding with a co-employee. He said that he planned on telling me about it after I've finished school, which is a few days from now. He said he didn't want to hurt me.

       Joe...that time, I knew, I wasn't going to die. But I felt like dying...maybe, dying was better because that the time the pain stops . I said terrible things to him which I still regret up to now, though I've apologized to him about it. I hope, he knows that I'm really sorry.

I'm not mad, I can't and I don't want to be cause it'll just hurt me more. Bitter, yes, and sorry. I want to be really happy for him, he deserves it, more than anyone else. I don't regret that I loved him, but I wish, that it doesn't have to be this hard and painful.

       No one will say that I'm not helping myself, causing I'm trying so hard to do forget him. I'm trying...but everything reminds me of him, of what I've lost. Every memory seems so clear when all I want is to forget them.
      
They say, I'll be okay, I'll get over it. That God gives us these trials so we'll be strong, but Joe...I wake up with the thoughts of him and go through the day thinking of him. And at night, I cry myself to sleep. I've lost him and he isn't coming back. Someone else is holding me now and I wish, I had hugged him and kissed him like there was no more tomorrow left. I wish, I had told him, over and over, just how much I love him so. Will he ever know?
       Was I destined to love the one man who can't, and who'll never love me back?  Why did he have to go? Why did I have to fall for him when he's not going to be mine? Why does love have to hurt this much? Joe...help me...please....
 
Ana