Dear Joe,

I have been following Lovenotes for some time. The personal problems on which many people seek advice from you made me realize that it’s my turn to share my story.

Joe, it has been seven years since I met Marco, the man of my dreams (if there is really one existing). Marco is four years older than me. I met him when I was a senior in high school and he was in college already. He didn’t take advantage of my being innocent and naïve. Marco was a very fine, good looking guy, sweet, a true gentleman, and I couldn’t ask for anything more. Joe, he was the guy who respected me, loved me, and took care of me. I told myself that this is the guy whom I am going to marry someday. I thought things would be perfect for us until one time he told me to forget him. I was shocked, totally shocked. I asked myself all sorts of questions. Did I say something wrong or do something that hurt him? Was I a bad girl friend? The last thing I wanted and expected to hear was this confession – Marla, his ex-girlfriend was two months pregnant. Joe, my dreams were shattered and tears flowed endlessly. I never expected how such a truth could hurt so bad. I almost lost my world. I was scared to face anyone for fear that people might hurt me again. Joe, at the end of it all Marco proved to everyone that he was a responsible man. He married Marla and took the responsibility of being a father to their child. Meanwhile, I graduated from my studies, moved on and went to the US.

Now it’s been like five years already, and I’m back in town. A lot of things have changed. I looked for a job and started going out and meeting people until one fine man caught my attention. Joe, saw Marco once again along a busy street in Makati. He was totally speechless when he saw me and so was I. It seemed only yesterday when we parted ways. He invited me for coffee and I was excited to be with him again. Something inside me felt it was right to spend a coffee break with him. I glimpsed at the wedding ring on his finger. It melted my heart and reminded me that this man was already married. All he said was sorry. I looked straight in his eyes as if wanting to scream and tell him how much he hurt me. But Joe, his teary eyes melted my heart instantly and this time, I wanted to kiss and hug him tightly.

I asked him how he was and he told me that he was doing fine. He still has just one kid Joe, and doesn’t plan to ever have another one. I was surprised when he told me the name of his daughter. We had the same name. It really touched my heart and I ended up crying. All these years Joe, I thought I was able to move on but I was wrong. It was still the same me, the emotionally weak person staring at Marco.

He told me he loved me still. Joe, I wanted get mad because I never dreamed of becoming a mistress. Yes, I can probably take him away from his wife but I could never accept taking him away from his daughter. Now I am so confused. I know what is the right thing to do but I am having a hard time ignoring him. Joe, I still love Marco, I really do. Please me.

Sincerely yours,
Kathy

Dear Kathy,

Kathy, there comes a time when the only way to love a person is not to love him at all. Marco sacrificed his own happiness for a responsibility he owed his ex- girlfriend and her unborn child. His commitment to his responsibility outweighed his commitment to your relationship. But, as many would say, true love will always have a way of working its way back, no matter how long it has gone or how far it has been.

Marco said he still loves you. It is easy to blame him for leaving you. But he had his reasons and his reasons were noble. He had to sacrifice his own happiness for a child who is going to bear his name. That meant making a decision and when he walked down the aisle with the mother of his child it also meant that he would not look back anymore.

When your paths crossed again, he caught a glimpse of you. He turned and saw what he missed. But marriage doesn’t have any room for a second love. You have a room in his heart but not in his life now. That is the sad fact. And no matter how much love there is left in your hearts, you will still have to be bound by reason and principle. As you said, you could never take him away from his daughter.

Kathy, not all fairy tales have happy endings. You have moved on and this brief interlude with a lost love should not keep you from going. Marco has his own life and family now. You could have a home in his heart forever but you should keep yourself from breaking into his real home. He belongs to someone else now and you should, too.

No matter how long we have waited and failed, there will always be someone out there who will love us the way we want to be loved. There is always someone out there who we can walk with and share our joys with. There is someone meant for us. All we have to do is believe that there is and give ourselves the chance to find it.