Letter
Dear Joe,
It has been almost 3 weeks since my girlfriend of 5 months and I parted ways. My college best friend got involved in our break-up. This started when I introduced my ex to my best friend when she was looking for a thesis adviser. I had a feeling that something was about to happen between them but I ignored it. A couple of days passed when I noticed changes with the way my ex treated me. I waited for her to talk to me about this hoping that she’d be honest enough to tell me the truth.
My hunch was proven right when my best friend asked if we could talk about a big problem he was having with his girlfriend. He confessed that he and my ex had gone out on several occasions despite knowing that my best friend was already committed. I asked my ex to stop seeing my best friend because he was not about to let anyone get in between him and his girlfriend. I knew that my best friend also was at fault. If he didn’t have any vested interest in my ex, he could have turned her down right from the start. When I confronted my ex, she angrily told me that it was never her intention to fall for my best friend. In truth, her classmates told me how excited she was about getting involved with my best friend. They got mad at her for what she did but it didn’t matter at all.
I tried wooing my ex again but she just ignored me. On her birthday, she told me that it was okay with her for us to be friends again. She apologized for what had happened. I wanted to be mad at her but I was just dumbfounded. I didn’t want to argue since we just agreed to be friends again.
I must admit that I still love her. When our friends knew that we went out, they told me to put an end to whatever I was trying to do. They said that she was not worth it. I told them that it’s fine with me and I’m still raising my hopes that one day we could still make things work out. Soon enough, she met a couple of new guys in school and I was out of the picture again.
What I hate most is that I still long for her, no matter how much she ignores me. I am doing everything to let her know that I still love her. Could it be that she still is guilty over what she has done to me? I am confused because I know I should hate her but I just can’t. I still assure her that I am always here for her no matter what. Right now, it pains me to know that she‘s going out with one of the guys in school.
Is it wrong for me to continue hoping that we can be together again? Is this just a trial to for me to endure? I know that if given another chance at our relationship, she might cheat on me again. Still, I am willing to take the risk. Please help me decide, should I still try winning her back despite the risk of getting hurt again? Or should I just forget her and move on with my life, hoping that someone will come along and treat me better? I can’t let go of her no matter how much she avoids me, even if she says we’re over and can no longer be friends. What will I do Joe?
Thank you so much and more power!
Jeffrey
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Joe's Advice
Dear Jeffrey,
By your own admission, you are no doubt still in love with your ex who, unfortunately, is no longer willing to reciprocate your faithfulness and affection. In such a short period of 5 months that you were together, you invested your total commitment to a woman who did not care enough to nurture your relationship to its full potential. Unconditional love is hard to come by because it does not happen too often that a person in love is willing to accept his partner for all her faults and weaknesses, much less forgive her transgressions over and over again and best of all, take the risk of loving her beyond reasonable doubt.
Jeffrey, you have gone out of your way to demonstrate by your words and actions that your ex still holds a special place in your heart. Do not labor over the thought of whether or not you should hate her, forget her, pursue her or let go of her. You will probably not be able to forget her completely anyway because as with all other important people, events and milestones in our lives, she will always be embedded in your memory. It would be difficult to erase the best times you spent together and the intimate moments you shared with her. You need not choose to forget her but rather choose to accept that you have the power to change your attitude towards a failed relationship that no longer exists.
Look at your past experiences with your ex with gratitude and acceptance. In life, we must give up our needless sufferings and not be held hostage by our negative emotions. Everything happens for a reason. You have the power in your hands to make the best of what you have in your life right now and the capability to love another person again. In God’s perfect time, he will bring healing again to your wounded and broken heart and you will find the right person.
Light of my day
Echoes of the heart
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